Should I or should I not apply to a Ph.D. program? And if I am to apply, which program should I apply to? Philosophy? Again? But I am tired of it. I am tired of the way that it is done here. Literature? Again? But it isn't what I want. I don't want to make criticism of what other creative geniuses wrote. I can do that as a hobby. I don't want it to be my life's work. Romance Languages? No way. Intellectual History? Perhaps this is the best option, but still. It is academia. Five more years of my life…
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Waiting is a way to cultivate intimacy with time. It is my method of research: I am waiting. People have told me that I shouldn't enjoy waiting, as though there were something wrong in this wait. I am depressed, they say, or scared. Or maybe I prefer to inhabit a world of promises and dreams, or I am just plain lazy. It took me long to realize that waiting is a choice. There is nothing I long for more than waiting. As I do things, I long for the time when I will be able to just wait. Waiting is an…
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